Argh!

I was doing so well with my cleanse, feeling totally in control, then I ate like 6 bites of breakfast burrito filling before going to bed. Why did I do that? I could have just left it alone, but instead, I ate it.

Weigh in this morning: 15 lbs down in ten days! Woohoo!

Today was the last day of school for all of my children and my second daughter's 8th grade promotion! To celebrate, I took her and a couple of her friends out to Mel's Diner for lunch. I could have had a salad. Instead, I had a bleu cheese burger. And fries. And a chocolate malt. *hides head in shame* I'm holding myself accountable though! Tomorrow I'm taking the whole family out for a sushi lunch to celebrate completing another school year. I'm going to eat. Saturday, I have plans with friends. We're walking a charity 5k, so good exercise. However, we're going out to eat afterwards. I'm going to try to be good and not order what I would normally get. Hopefully something semi healthy will sound good.

You would think that 15 pounds in 10 days would motivate me to stick to it, but I'm still really struggling. Going out is the worst. I think I'll do okay at home, but when I go out to eat, I just hate to spend money and not absolutely love what I'm eating!

I struggle. I'm human.

Cleanse Day #2!

Today is day 10 since recommitting to Isagenix. Tomorrow is weigh day! Of course, if you've ever read my blog, you know I weigh like fifteen bajillion times a day, so I do have an inkling as to what the scale is going to say tomorrow. ;)

Tomorrow I also start back up with weekly calls with a group of people on Isagenix that are all trying to lose at least 100 pounds. Those calls were vital to my success the last time I lost a bunch of weight. It was really helpful having to be accountable every week. Each person reports how much weight they have released in the last week. It sucks to be the person who says they gained weight. So, it's a good push to stay on track. It was the same when I was going to Weight Watchers before. Knowing that I would be stepping on that scale every Saturday morning and someone else was going to see whether I was doing well or not kept me wanting to move in the right direction. However, like blogging, I tend to just disappear when I'm not doing well, rather than admit that I backslid. I'm going to try to avoid doing that, though.

I'm feeling good about these cleanse days. I've tried cleansing in the past since I started backsliding and I was never able to complete even a single day. Now, the two days are no big deal again. I think it's all in my mindset. Before, I was cleansing because I felt like I needed to do something because I was so out of control. The problem with being out of control is that you still don't have the control to control things. I feel in control now and it's so much easier to control my thoughts and actions on cleanse days. Do I like going two days in a row without solid food? Not really. However, I don't feel ravenous and don't feel like it's a chore. Now, it's just what I do to improve my health. It's amazing what changing your mindset can do for you!

My eldest daughter is home sick again today. She is always sick. I hate it. I'm thinking of doing a complete overhaul on the way my family eats this summer to see if that will help her. I'm thinking of going more the paleo route. We'll see how that goes over. I just need to find something that will help her get healthy. It breaks my heart to see her so sick and tired all the time.

2 Day Cleanse...DONE!

So, of course, knowing how amazing I feel on it and knowing it works, I've gone back to using the Isagenix system. Monday was a shake day, Tuesday and Wednesday were cleanse days, and today it's back to shakes. I'm feeling awesome about it. The last few times I've tried to cleanse, I ended up eating. I don't know why it was so difficult to just do it, but mentally, I think I just wasn't ready. This time, easy peasy! Sure, there were times that I got hungry, and when my friend brought over a ton of kettle corn to thank me for playing the piano for the choir on Sunday, I REALLY wanted some, but I remembered my why, I remembered how great I used to feel and I knew it just wasn't worth it. (Although, my husband did inform me that it was the BEST kettle corn he had EVER had. Thanks, hon!)

I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself until after my next cleanse, but if you've read my blog, you know that doesn't ever happen. So, if I write it really, really small, it doesn't count, right? I'm down 11 pounds in three days!!!! Official weigh in will be in a week, so we'll see where I'm at then. I know I'll gain some back now that I'm eating solid food again, but I'm more than thrilled with the results so far. I knew I would be. In just three days, my pants have started falling off! They were a little loose before, but now I definitely need a belt. I should have measured when I started, but I didn't.

Yummy shake this morning and off to a great start!

I'm sure you can figure out how THAT went!

So, based on the lack of posts for what..over a year? I'm guessing that you can figure out how my thirty day no cheat challenge went. It turned into a one year cheat, which wasn't a challenge at all, unfortunately. Blech.

Things have been crazy lately! I just completely my first year of college. This is a huge accomplishment for me! I got kicked out of college after one semester right out of high school and never went back. I opted instead to start a family, support my husband through his degree and just live the life of a stay at home mom.  The plan has always been for me to go back to school, but it just never seemed like the "right time." I decided that it was going to be like having children. If you wait for the "right time" it will never happen. So, I bit the bullet and enrolled. It certainly wasn't the right time, but we made it work. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family and the children understood that I couldn't make it to their activities and that they needed to help around the house quite a bit more. We all made it through the first year and we are all VERY glad I've decided to take the summer off! I am now half way through my AA in Deaf Studies.

School was VERY stressful. I attended classes five days a week, four of which were night classes. Food wise, it was really difficult. At the beginning of the year, I was really good about starting something in the crock pot in the morning so the kids had food while I was gone and so Drake and I had food when we got home. Towards the end of the year, there was a lot more picking up fast food or pizza on the way home from school and just trying to get them fed before they went to bed. I need to be MUCH better next year about planning a menu and sticking to it. Fast food is easier, but health wise, I know my family has suffered. Diet wise, it was TERRIBLE. I would spend all day doing homework, taking care of the kids, etc., then by the time class rolled around, I was BEAT. I would realize I hadn't really eaten anything all day and I would be dragging. So, many nights I started class with an energy drink and whatever snacks I grabbed out of the vending machine. Not good for my wallet or my health!

So, weight wise, I've really suffered. I gained back a good deal of the weight I had lost. Energy wise, I have suffered. I'm tired ALL the time. Mental health wise, I have suffered. I'm really unhappy with what I have done to myself. I need to find a way to balance my school life, my home life and my health. So far, I'm failing miserably.

To say that I've been going through some personal issues lately would be putting it lightly. As an emotional eater, I've really struggled. When I feel the time is right, I'll go into more detail, but for now I'll just say that my world feels as though it is spinning out of control. I've decided that I'm going to take control of what I have the ability to control and that is my weight and my thinking.

I know how to lose weight. I've done it before. I know how powerful I felt when I had that control. I know how fulfilling it was to be doing something for myself. I know how amazing I feel when I'm eating right, cleansing regularly and working out regularly. I allowed myself to go back to where I was before. No more. I'm taking control.

I know how amazing it feels to be self confident. I know how powerful it feels to be self assured and worry only about how you feel about yourself and not to allow self doubt cloud your view of yourself and life. I've allowed a multitude of negative thoughts to enter my mind. I've allowed myself to think that I'm not good enough, that I'm not funny enough, that I'm not skinny enough, that I'm not pretty enough. I've allowed all of this self doubt and self hatred to control my thoughts and therefore my actions and personality. No more I'm taking control.

The world lost an amazing woman today and it is through her words that I am drawing my strength today:

Week One...DONE!

So, week one of my no cheat challenge ended yesterday, but I was mid cleanse, so I figured I'd weigh in today instead! Can you guess by the image how much weight I released in the past 8 days? If you guessed TEN POUNDS, you're right! WOOHOO!!!! Give yourself a sticker! I thought I had lost that much just a couple of cleanses ago, but either my scale was wrong or it all came right back on in the next couple of days, so that was a bummer.


Weight: 212 lbs. -10 lbs
Waist: 46" -1"
Hips: 47" -1"
Right thigh: 25.5" -0"
Right calf: 16.5" -1/2"
Right upper arm: 16" -0"

Just 15 pounds until I hit 100 lbs released! It's almost painful to say that when I was only seven pounds away from it six months ago, but I've decided I can't focus on where I've been, I can only focus on where I'm going. Much easier said than done, but I'm working on it!

This past week has been really difficult. With birthdays and parties and homemade lemon bars for the last day of dance class and field trips to the Pizza Place, there has been temptation around every corner, but I did it! No cheating! It's getting easier as the days pass, which I knew it would, but there is still the desire there. I imaging the desire will always be there, it will just keep getting easier to ignore. Now, if I could just desire to eat salad!

Harder Than I Thought

Boy did I pick a bad month to be good!  Lol  Saturday was my husband's birthday and my daughter's birthday party. Eggs benedict for breakfast ( for the family...a shake for me), then we BBQed and swam. I had my husband grill me up a chicken breast and a portobello mushroom. I ate the mushroom like a burger with a lettuce bun. I'm trying to stay away from red meat, but did end up eating half a burger patty. Can I call that not really cheating because I stayed within my calories and haven't said absolutely no red meat? I have to say that I have been tempted to cheat and just not blog about it, but I haven't! Go me!

I wanted to do something with my husband for his birthday that was semi affordable. I found it difficult to think of anything that didn't involve food! We ended up just enjoying a nice night in.

Sunda I had a fireside at church that I am played the piano for. I was totally stressed out about it. I wanted to gorge on all of my usual stress comfort foods, but I didn't! It's really eye opening being on this no cheat challenge. You never really realize how much of an emotional eater you are until you can't rely on foods during emotional times. I had a double shot of Ionix Supreme to help get me through! I also had to bring five dozen cookies and not touch a single one of them. Of course, there were SO many goodies after the fireside as well. I just drank a lot of water.

I wasn't going to weigh in until I had a week of the challenge under my belt, but I did sneek apeak this morning. I'm not disappointed, that's for sure! I'll give an official weigh in on Thursday morning after my two day cleanse!

Day 2

Today is going well! I woke up this morning, pretty hungry after my two day cleanse. It was the perfect time to try the new vegan shake from Isagenix! Two boxes were delivered on Monday morning...just when I started my cleanse. (Isn't that how it always works?) So, I got to try it this morning! I have to say...it wasn't my favorite. It was just too sweet for my liking. I can understand why they made it so sweet, but it wasn't my cup of tea. I think I may add some Want More Energy to it tonight to see if the tartness of that makes it more palatable to me. If I were vegan, however, I would still drink it everyday. It's not bad...I just prefer the vanilla and chocolate!

Lunch came around noon. I'm SO happy to be back on track! Who could look at this lunch and think that I'm either depriving myself, or could be eating something that tastes better? 

Today's lunch consisted of a chicken breast (seasoned with some Himilayan Sea Salt and rosemary), four cups of fresh spinach (which I wilted with some sea salt and water that I used to reconstitute some sun dried tomatoes), which was topped with some sun dried tomatoes and about 1/2 ounce of goat cheese. The pizza on the right is on a flax and quinoa tortilla, which I crisped up in the oven, then topped with a tablespoon of pesto, 1 oz of fresh mozzarella, quartered artichoke hearts, sun dried tomatoes and capers. Oh my goodness, lunch was SO good! I ate half of the chicken, then saved the rest for a mid afternoon snack!

I'm only about 9 cups of water into the 16 I try to drink each day, but I should be able to easily reach that by the end of the night! 

30 Day No Cheat Challenge

I've decided that I need to stop allowing myself to slack. I need to stop allowing myself to "cheat." I'll eat something "bad" and tell myself I'll make up for the calories by not eating as big of a lunch. I'll eat something "bad" and tell myself that because I'm conciously allowing myself to eat it, it's okay because that means I'm in control. I'll eat something "bad" and tell myself that I'll do better the next day.  No more! I'm officially starting a 30 day no cheat challenge!

Today is Day 1! I'm cleansing today. (As I did yesterday as well) So far, I've an IsaDelight, Cleanse for Life, a Natural Accelerator and three cups of water. So far, so good!

Weight: 222
Waist: 47"
Hips: 48"
Right thigh: 25.5"
Right calf: 17"
Right bicep: 16"

I've taken "before" pictures and will post them with my "after" pictures at the end of 30 days.

After taking the before pictures, I was feeling pretty poorly about myself, so I pulled out an old pair of jeans and put them on. You know how in amazing weight loss stories, you see a picture of a person standing in a single leg of their old jeans? Yeah...that's not me. lol However, I looked at them and cannot believe I ever allowed myself to get that big. I'm hoping that in the next six months or so, I'll look at the jeans I'm wearing now and won't be able to believe that I was ever that big.

So, here we go!

My New Toy Rocks my World!

My eldest daughter has started drinking tea. She decided that she needed a fancy tea cup and saucer to drink her tea from. I'm not quite sure why, but she insisted she just had to. So, we made a quick trip to Goodwill to find a tea cup and saucer. While we were there, I was browsing the electronics and ran across this little baby. It's a George Foreman 2 serving classic plate grill.

One of my biggest complaints about eating healthy is all of the dishes it creates! Every single lunch, I dirty at least four dishes. My normal lunch of chicken breast with goat cheese and spinach requires a pan to brown my chicken, a baking sheet to bake it, a pan to wilt my spinach in, a plate and a fork. Now, keep in mind that there are eight people in my family, so I do not own a single small pan. I'm using a full 10 inch diameter pan to fry a single chicken breast in! So, when I saw this thing for only $6, I just had to get it! I cannot believe how easy this has made my lunches! No need to separately brown, then bake my chicken. The grill does it all! Even better, it does it in 8 minutes as opposed to the 30 my chicken usually spends in the oven! I still use a pan to wilt my spinach, but I think I'm going to try to wilt it in the grill today...just for giggles. ;) I'll let you know how it goes!

Cooking for a single person is so strange to me. I never used to eat lunch. I would just snack on whatever I could grab all day. For breakfast and dinner, I always have at least six people to cook for, so I'm used to cooking large quantities. It's kind of nice to cook for just myself. I feel like I'm doing something special for myself. Some people like to have a spa day. I like to cook myself lunch. Now, dishes...I'm not horribly fond of those, which is what makes this grill so ridiculously awesome!

Refocusing on my "why."

It's no secret that I've been struggling recently. Dinner time seems to be the most difficult for me. I can be great all day, then go crazy at dinner. Night time snacking has returned with a vengeance. I KNOW I need to get things back under control, but I consciously choose not to. I'm not snacking without realizing it. I'm snacking with an "I'll do better tomorrow" attitude. "Tomorrow" has turned into six months. SIX MONTHS! It's just not okay.

I ran into my sponsor, Amber, the other day at Hobby Lobby. (This was my first time ever going there...I think I spent about three hours there! SUCH an awesome store!) I told her that I had been struggling and not  only not losing weight, but rapidly gaining it back. She then contacted our friend, Craig, who sent me this text:

Keep your eye on your why Katie :) What made you start in the first place, why is this so important to you? Keep doing the simple things, make sure to eat as much as you're outputting and if you are focused on hitting a certain weight put the scale away for 10 days at a time so you are not stressing over hitting that number, in turn boosting your cortisol levels and slowing fat loss. You are an amazing spirit, remember this is NOT a race, it is to find the real you, and to get to your why may take different speeds, but as long as you're pointed in the right direction nothing will stop you :) Much love! Craig

He's absolutely right. I think I've forgotten my "why." Why am I doing this? I'm doing this so I can play with my kids. I'm doing this so my children grow up knowing that eating right and exercise is an important part of life. I'm doing this so I can live to see my great grandchildren. I'm doing this so I can figure out who I am. I'm doing this so I can feel good about myself and not shy away from opportunities because I'm embarrassed by who I am. I'm doing this so I can LIVE. These are the things that are important to me and I can't let food stand in the way of accomplishing these things in my life.

I'm putting my vision board back up so I can really focus on why I am doing these things and remember that I want my "why" more than I want Taco Bell. lol

Woohoooo! I did it!

The last two times I've attempted a cleanse day, I've failed miserably. I don't know what the heck was wrong with me because cleanse days had never been difficult before, but I just couldn't get through them. I always ended up eating dinner. It's honestly been MONTHS since I last did a deep cleanse. Apparently my body REALLY needed it because I dropped TEN POUNDS in the last two days! Yes, you read that correctly...TEN POUNDS IN TWO DAYS! A little bit always come back right after the cleanse, but I'm THRILLED!

I finally feel like I might be getting back in control of my eating. It's scary feeling out of control! I was watching the weight pile back on and, in a sense, felt completely helpless to control it. I knew that wasn't true, but I just couldn't stop eating the things that were completely sabotaging me. I'd watch myself eat them and KNOW I shouldn't be, but eating them anyways...then eating some more...and some more. I KNEW I was gaining back weight, but the food meant more to me than the weight. It's awful. I need to keep pressing forward.

I've been reading The Anti Jared and following him on Facebook and something he said really resonated with me. Both personal trainers I've had have told me to have a "cheat meal." They said that if I look forward to a cheat meal once a week, I'll be able to stay on track better because I know that I can have whatever food it is I want for my cheat meal, so I won't eat it the rest of the time. The Anti Jared said that he can never have a cheat meal because it turns into a cheat day, then a cheat week, then a cheat month. I can SO totally relate to that. I started falling off track when I told myself it was "okay" to eat something I shouldn't be eating "because it's not like I'm not going to have ice cream the rest of my life, so I need to learn to eat it in moderation," or, "It's not like I'm not going to eat Thanksgiving dinner ever again, so I'm just going to eat whatever I want and know that I can drop the few pounds I gained." The problem is, a little bit of ice cream turns into the whole tub. Thanksgiving dinner turns into a week of leftovers and just flows right into Christmas dinner. Moderation doesn't work for me. I think I can honestly just never have that stuff again. I KNOW I can stay away from it if I'm just not eating it, but once I get near it again, I just lose control. I feel silly comparing my eating to alcoholism, but I've heard from some of my friends who are sober that they're still an alcoholic and always just one drink away from going back to the way things were. That's how I feel. If I just NEVER have the stuff I shouldn't have, I'm good. Once I give in, even just a little bit, I completely lose control. I'm just one bite away from 300 pounds again. I won't go back there.

Back to the grind

You KNOW I've been bad when it's been so long since I last blogged. I've completely fallen off of the wagon and it's been SO hard to get back into things! I haven't had a shake since who knows when, I've been eating icecream, fast food, you name it...if I think it will taste good, I'm eating it. I've gained back 20 pounds. TWENTY POUNDS! Do you know how long it takes to lose twenty pounds? I do, and I'm not looking forward to having to lose it again. UGH. I'm just so incredibly frustrated with myself. Why am I having such a difficult time with this? Usually, I'm the one who doesn't understand why people are struggling. JUST DON'T EAT IT, has been my mantra. How difficult can that possibly be? I didn't understand why people said I had so much will power. It was honestly just easy for me not to eat it. Now I'm STRUGGLING...BIG TIME!

I keep telling myself, "Tomorrow...I'll start again tomorrow." Then tomorrow comes and I really want that burger, so, "Tomorrow...I'll start again tomorrow." It's a vicious cycle. My super spy texted me the other day because he hasn't seen me at the gym. It's been MONTHS since I've gone. I have zero excuses. I just need to get back there and just do it. Today, my food intake has been decent. I ran out of ice, so haven't had a shake yet, but I had a banana and a pear for breakfast, some eggs for lunch, IsaGreens and IsaFruits for a snack and I'm planning on a shake for dinner. I passed by my favorite cupcake place and almost stopped in, but I told myself, "Just don't eat it!" and kept on driving. I was proud of myself! I need to get back in the habit of drinking water. I've been completely failing at that (and so much more) lately.

So, here we go. I need to do this. I can't be the person that gains it all back. I just can't. I won't.

Hollywood

Late last night, I got home from a whirlwind trip to Hollywood! I went to visit my good friend, Seth Santoro, and to celebrate the release of his new book, How I Learned to Smile From The Inside! I flew down Tuesday afternoon, then flew back Wednesday night. Tuesday night was spent at Vintage Enoteca, an awesome little wine bar, where Seth had a book signing. They have the most amazing deviled eggs. I know what you're thinking, "Deviled eggs? That's what you're going to rave about?!?!?" Seriously, they're to DIE for! I may or may not have had four of them. They also put out this amazing cheese platter. Yeah, cheese is my weakness. Yikes! I decided that I wasn't going to worry about weight loss while I was on vacation. I didn't even bring any shakes with me!

The next day, I slept in, for what felt like the first time in years. lol I had a banana for breakfast, then went to take some pictures of the Hollywood sign for my daughter, who is in love with everything Hollywood and celebrities. I had originally planned on taking a hike up Runyon Canyon and taking the pictures from there, because I had heard and read that that was the best view in all of the city, but when I drove there, there wasn't a single parking spot within at least a mile of the entrance. I swear everyone, their tennis partner and their mother's dog was there. It was CRAZY! It's definitely on my to do list for the next time I'm there. So, instead I drove up Beachwood Dr. and got some pictures from there.

After that, I met up with Seth for lunch at the mall in Century City. That food court was AWESOME! I had some bao from "Take a Bao" It was delicious! I had the Spicy Sesame Citrus Chicken and Pomegranate Beef on wheat.

Next came some time just driving around the area, taking it all in. I have to say, I absolutely fell in love with Beverly Hills. Big surprise, right? Anyone who knows me really well knows that I HATE HATE HATE cities. Seriously, I hate them. They make me anxious. They're too crowded, have too many one way streets, the people are rude...I just hate them. Not the case AT ALL for Beverly Hills! I was driving down Santa Monica Blvd and there was one way that you could take for through traffic and one way for local access. I decided to take the local access. Oh my goodness, it is SO cute! It has a walking downtown that I'm absolutely in love with. When I have a vacation home, it's definitely going to be in Beverly Hills!

Finally, I made my way to Hollywood Blvd and the Hollywood Walk of Fame. There weren't any particular stars that I was interested in, but I always get my children souvenirs when I go on a trip, so I figured there was no better place for that than Hollywood Blvd! I wasn't disappointed!

I drove back to Burbank, dropped off my car at the rental place (they had upgraded me to a Chevy Camero! I felt so silly driving that thing! I'm much more of a minivan type of person!) and then caught my flight back home. Not before having a chicken and pesto panini and some sushi at the airport. Airport sushi...scary!

I weighed myself this morning and I was only up two pounds! Not too bad for not worrying about it while I was away!

Up and Down and Up and Down

Yesterday was weigh day. Up a pound from last week. UGH! It's not like I'm surprised, just disappointed in myself. I seem to be getting things back in control, but am still having trouble with snacking. I made myself a nice lunch of salad and chicken the other day, ate that...then ate a piece of pizza that my family was having. I told my husband I didn't want a berry sundae from Costco, then ate almost half of his. I had a shake this morning, then ate two graham crackers (little devil pieces of carby goodness!). I think you get the idea. I keep making justifications, "I'm eating it in the morning, so I have all day to burn it off," "It's just one, I'll just eat a smaller piece of chicken to make up for it," "I'm usually under my calories anyways, I'll just consider this a snack..." and so on and so forth. NO MORE EXCUSES! I just need to buckle down and do it. My weight isn't going anywhere. My inches aren't going anywhere. I'm stuck and it's entirely of my own doing. I can't say I'm on a plateau because that would suggest I'm doing everything right and just not losing weight. I'm just not doing things right at the moment.

I'm happy to say that I'm no longer sore from my workout with my personal trainer. Of course, that was almost a week ago, so I would hope so! lol My goal is to release SIX pounds this week. I'm aiming high, hoping that will keep me accountable. That will put me in ONEDERLAND! Forget the graham crackers and cookie this morning. (What, I didn't mention the cookie? Oh wait...cookies. Ugh.)

Back to the gym today. Back in the saddle. Goodbye six pounds. Goodbye 200's!

New Personal Trainer!

I don't know about you, but when I meet someone new, I automatically want to know more about them. This used to entail actually *gasp* talking to people! Now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, you don't even have to talk to someone to get to know them! How awesome! haha! So, naturally, after meeting my trainer, I took his card and put the internet to good use. (Isn't that what it's made for? Stalking people and funny cat videos?) Would you believe I cannot find anything about him online? No Facebook profile, no Linked In profile, no ZabaSearch information. NOTHING! Who doesn't have an online presence? So, naturally, this leads me to believe that he is either a super spy, or in the witness protection program. I'm cool with that. From now on, I'm just going to refer to him as my super spy!

So anyways, on Wednesday, I went to meet with my super spy for the first time. I really liked my old personal trainer. She was awesome. I absolutely LOVE this one. With my first, I didn't really feel like our personalities meshed well. With this one, we just clicked. We did the usual stretching out before hand and he showed me a way to work with my sciatic nerve to hopefully help it not bug me too much (those of you that have been pregnant before may know of the pain I'm talking about...horrible lower back pain that leads to shooting pains down your leg.) It started when I was pregnant with Caitlin and I have suffered with it ever since. Hopefully this will help. On a side note, even before this stretch, I figured out that going on the elliptical REALLY helped with that. After one of my workouts, my back was KILLING me. It hurt to walk. The next day, after about five minutes on the elliptical, the pain was gone! At the end of that day's workout, I went on an ab machine and quickly realized that was the machine that was causing the problems. Five minutes on the elliptical and the pain was once again nonexistent! How awesome is that? The elliptical I use at the gym is the Octane Pro3700. I don't know if the other ellipticals would help with my pain or not. I haven't used them. So, back to my super spy...we did a bunch of stuff with TRX (by the way, I totally want one of these for my house!) and some stuff with the cable machines. The cable machines still intimidate me, but the trainers seem to really like them. I was glad that we worked with the TRX as the gym has a Body Web class that I've been wanting to take, but I wasn't sure if I could do it. I think I can! Lots of squats and lunges later and our session was over.

Fast forward to yesterday (the day after meeting with my super spy). I can barely move! Every muscle in my body aches! I want to cry as I walk down the stairs. HOLY MOLEY! Seriously, it was bad. Some would say it was a good kind of hurt. I just say it hurt! I still went to the gym. My super spy was working and I'm pretty sure he laughed at me when I hobbled into the gym. He came over to me when I was on the bike and asked how I was doing. I told him that I could barely move. He told me that was a good thing and that the best way to deal with that was to do some more squats and lunges. I may or may not have sworn at him. lol

Wednesday was my last session. I've talked to my husband and he has agreed that as soon as we have the money, I can purchase eight more sessions. They're pretty expensive, but I think they're totally worth it. I would never push myself as hard as my trainer does and I have a LOT less faith in myself than he does! Thank goodness one of us thinks I can do it!

Back to it!

It has been FIVE DAYS since I had been to the gym! I was cleansing two days, then had lunch with friends one day, then had my son's birthday party, then had church and a family dinner and before I knew it, FIVE DAYS had passed! Not good! So, I drank an E+ Energy Shot this morning and got to it! An hour on the recumbent bike (15 miles) a mile on the elliptical (Anderson Cooper Live started, so I stopped the elliptical and hopped on the bike in front of the TV LOL), 3 sets of 20 reps at "3" on the leg presses (and realized I need to do a lot more weight than that) 3 sets of 20 reps at "3" on the leg curl machine (seemed like a good weight for that machine) 1 set of 20 reps at "2" on the leg extension machine (WAY too much weight!) and 2 sets of 20 reps at "1" (MUCH better!) I'm guessing that the numbers are multiples of ten? So, 3 would be 30 pounds? Purely speculation, though.

My personal trainer is no longer working at the gym I go to. :( She texted me the day before we were supposed to have a session and told me she was no longer working there, and sorry for the short notice. Bummer! So, I went and got a new trainer today. I meet with him on Wednesday! He seems nice enough. I guess I'll know more come Wednesday. Wednesday will be my last session before having to decide if I want to continue or not. I would LOVE to continue with a personal trainer, but I just don't think I'm going to be able to afford it. :(

In a couple of weeks, I'm going down to Hollywood to visit my good friend, Seth, and celebrate his book release! I'm SO excited! I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to afford to go, but flight prices went down considerably, so I booked a flight! I hope he has a blender, because I'm not planning on checking a bag, which means I can't bring a blender with me. :( I'm staying with him, so at least I'm not at the mercy of a hotel when it comes to finding stuff to make my shake! I'll probably bring a blender bottle just in case he doesn't have a blender. He is a bachelor, after all!

I'm still having a terrible time when it comes to food. I just can't get my snacking under control. I've gained NINE pounds in the past couple of weeks! I'd say I have no idea how that could possibly happen, but I'd be lying. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with Easter candy, birthday cake, chips, soda, hamburgers, etc. Ugh.

Get with the program, woman!

I have totally been sabotaging my weight loss efforts recently. I just can't seem to get it through my head that I need to stop eating crap and start eating better! Every morning, I tell myself that I'm going to eat "clean" today. Every day, I totally fail. Today, I told myself, "This is eat! Clean eating today!" I had an IsaLean Shake for breakfast, IsaPro and Want More Energy after my workout, salmon and spinach for lunch...then two Choco Tacos. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?! I was doing SO well! What the heck?!?!?! Why am I doing this to myself? I'm SO close to losing that 100 pounds that I have as my next goal. SO CLOSE!!! I EASILY would have hit it by now if I would just stop eating crap!!! STOP IT ALREADY!!!

The Choco Tacos are gone now. (Can you believe I ate two of them at lunch with the justification of, "I need to eat both so they'll all be gone and I won't be tempted anymore.") There will be NO MORE in my freezer! I NEED to get back on track!

When I first started on my weekly phone calls, the guy in charge of the calls, Larry, told us that he had coached many people into the 100 pound club. He then warned that there had been people who came within a couple of pounds of 100 and then just stopped...stopped getting on the phone calls, stopped losing weight, stopped using Isagenix. He said he's not sure exactly why, but he thinks that it must be some sort of mental thing...that you just don't think you can lose 100 pounds, or you don't think you're worthy of losing 100 pounds, or you're just afraid of succeeding...whatever the case is, sometimes there is just some sort of mental block that doesn't want you to lose 100 lbs. I don't think that's the case with me, but I'm really struggling.

The past two days were deep cleanse days. Two days of cleansing. It's always been easy for me in the past. Last night, I ate. It was the first time I didn't complete a deep cleanse. I told myself that I was making the conscious decision to eat dinner with my family because it was the Blue and Gold dinner for my son's Cub Scout pack and I wanted to eat dinner with my family, rather than just sit there and drink water. I told myself that since I was making that choice consiously, it was okay. It wasn't worth it. Then I came home and HID and ate two Choco Tacos. (See, those things are EVIL!) Seriously, I HID and ate ice cream?!?!?! I've never HIDDEN to eat. NEVER. I hear about people doing that because they don't want people to see them eat. I thought it was ridiculous. Then, I did it. I wanted to cry. I just don't know what's going on, but I know it has to stop!

I'm THAT mom...and more NSV's!

I swore I would never be that mom. We all know them. They're the ones that come to pick their kids up from school in yoga pants and tank tops. The ones who look like they must have just been at the gym, but their hair and makeup are perfect, so you think that maybe they are just actually wearing workout clothes all day, or are doing it for show to make it look like they're the type of stay at home mom that exercises while their kids are at school. They're usually cute and little, so they probably do, but I like to assume they're actually sitting in front of their soap operas all day, lounging around, just waiting to pick their kid up from school, looking like they were just at the gym.

Well, I'm kinda that mom now. I've work yoga pants to school to pick my youngest up from Kindergarten TWICE now! *hides head in shame* I also wore yoga pants to Whole Foods last night. I know, I KNOW!!!! Don't be that mom!!! At least my hair and makeup aren't perfect, and my bright red face shows that I actually WAS just at the gym! Well, except for at Whole Foods last night. I was planning on going to the gym AFTER that, so I was in yoga pants, with nice hair and makeup. :( Plus, I at least have the decency to throw a sweater on over my workout top, so it doesn't look like I'm trying too hard to look like I was just at the gym. Maybe I should stop being judgmental and just start assuming that those moms aren't actually wearing those clothes for show. Nah...what fun would that be?

Two new non scale victories for me! (Well, technically three, but I'm lumping two of them together into one) The first happened last night. My legs were sore from my workout, so I was rubbing them. Then I noticed something odd...there was this thing in front of my shin. It was hard, so I knew it wasn't fat, but it was soft enough that I knew it wasn't bone. I told my husband that I had a weird bump in front of my shin. He came over to feel it and got a good laugh out of telling me it's a MUSCLE!! OMG, I HAVE A MUSCLE IN FRONT OF MY SHIN! Now, all of you may have already known that, but I had no clue. I've certainly never felt it before! Then, I was massaging my quads and squealed, "DRAKE DRAKE DRAKE COME HERE!!!!!!" Before he could get to me, I ran over to him and told him, "FEEL THIS!" You can actually feel my quads! He had been in our closet at the time, which you have to walk through our bathroom to get to and when I saw myself in the mirror, I squealed again, "OH MY GOODNESS! I have DEFINITION!!! YOU CAN SEE MY QUADS WHEN I'M JUST STANDING HERE!!!!!!" Seriously...I've been married and had six kids, and this ranks right up there with one of the best moments of my life.

My next NSV was this morning. The kids were leaving for school and the dog ran out the front door. Usually, he just comes right back inside. This morning, he decided freedom was just too tempting and took off running down the street. I chased him down the street. He is FAST! Of course, he didn't have his collar on this morning because he has a scratch on his neck I'm trying to let heal, so I couldn't just grab him by his collar. He ran around in the middle of the streets for a while. Thank goodness we live close to the school and there was a crossing guard at the corner who stopped all traffic for us as I chased him in the middle of the street. He then ran into the school and ran around the school for a good five minutes. He finally stopped to smell a bush and I was able to come up behind him, pick him up and carry him home. (All 70 pounds of him!) All this, barefoot and in my pajamas. Lovely. When I got home, huffing and puffing, I realized that just a couple of months ago, and maybe even just a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that. There's no way I could have chased him, full speed, even just down the street, let alone up and down the street, around the block, into the school, and around the school. THEN carried 70 pounds of dog home two blocks. NO WAY! I would have had to rely on the kids getting him, or an adult at the school grabbing him long enough that I could catch up to him, then I would have had to hold him while I sent one of the kids home to get his collar and leash. Now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't have gone after him at all. I probably would have woken my husband up and told him to go after the dog! I did it. I ran after him. I kept up with him. I caught him. I carried him home. I did that!

Non Scale Victories

I'm a tad bit obsessed with the scale. We have a love/hate relationship. It loves to torture me. I hate it with a firey passion. I'm supposed to weigh in once a week. I weigh about five times a day. The scale pretty much runs my life. I eat/sleep/drink/breathe the number that flashes up at me. If I'm wearing clothes when I get on, I try to estimate how much my clothing weighs. If I just drank water, I think to myself, "I just had three cups of water. That's 24 ounces. That's a pound and a half. That means I actually weigh XXX. That's STILL three pounds more than I was yesterday!" When I weigh before I go to bed, I mentally calculate how much weight I need to lose while I sleep to be lighter than I was that morning. It's an ongoing battle. My personal trainer said something to me the other day that makes a lot of sense, but I still can't stay off of the scale. She said that weighing yourself can cause you to gain weight, or at least stay the same. She said that when you weigh yourself and it's not a number you're happy with, your body immediately releases cortisol because of the stress. Cortisol causes a spike in blood sugar, weakens the immune system, and can suppress fat loss.

So, today I've decided to start focusing on non scale victories (from hereon out, to be referred to as NSV's). Today's NSV? I did an hour and a half of cardio and didn't feel sick to my stomach when I was done! 10 miles on the recumbent bike, 30 flights of stairs on the stair machine and 1 mile on the elliptical. Another NSV (that happened a little while ago), was being able to cross my legs for the first time in a long time. That was awesome! 

On a completely unrelated note, one of my very good friends (who I was paired up with as a penpal in sixth grade when we lived across the country from each other) wrote a book! You should go check it out and order it! I received two copies of it today! How I Learned to Smile From The Inside

More NSV's to come tomorrow, I'm sure!

SO glad to be back in the gym!

I never seem to tire from writing about the gym, do I? Sorry about that...okay, not really. (Or, as my teenage daughter would write, #sorrynotsorry)

I SO badly did NOT want to go to the gym today! I was planning on cleansing, which meant no gym, right? I realized it was too soon to cleanse and since I'm meeting with my trainer tomorrow, couldn't cleanse tomorrow and really only like to do two day cleanses, so I decided not to cleanse. I got a new bed yesterday and need to clean my room/rearrange furniture/move out old bed/etc., so that was good enough of a workout for today, right?  I forgot to drink my E+ energy shot, so I went home after dropping my husband off at work, when I usually go straight to the gym, to get it. I sat at the computer. I found out that my best friend is having a book signing in Hollywood next month, so I decided to figure out if there was a way I could make it to that. That was about 20 minutes spent on the computer. That didn't leave as much time for the gym as I usually like to give myself. Excuse after excuse after excuse. I REALLY didn't want to go. I told myself off and went! I'm SO glad I did! Ten miles on the recumbent bike, 5k on the ergometer (with a personal best for time...which isn't that difficult because I've only done it twice, haha!) and 20 reps front and 20 reps on each side on this thing:

The one at my gym doesn't have handles, though. It's kind of awesome. I'm really trying to work on my lower back because I tend to have a lot of pain in that area. I figure if I strengthen the muscles, the pain should lessen. Plus, you can just hang upside down on this thing and it's an awesome stretch for your lower back!