30 Day No Cheat Challenge

I've decided that I need to stop allowing myself to slack. I need to stop allowing myself to "cheat." I'll eat something "bad" and tell myself I'll make up for the calories by not eating as big of a lunch. I'll eat something "bad" and tell myself that because I'm conciously allowing myself to eat it, it's okay because that means I'm in control. I'll eat something "bad" and tell myself that I'll do better the next day.  No more! I'm officially starting a 30 day no cheat challenge!

Today is Day 1! I'm cleansing today. (As I did yesterday as well) So far, I've an IsaDelight, Cleanse for Life, a Natural Accelerator and three cups of water. So far, so good!

Weight: 222
Waist: 47"
Hips: 48"
Right thigh: 25.5"
Right calf: 17"
Right bicep: 16"

I've taken "before" pictures and will post them with my "after" pictures at the end of 30 days.

After taking the before pictures, I was feeling pretty poorly about myself, so I pulled out an old pair of jeans and put them on. You know how in amazing weight loss stories, you see a picture of a person standing in a single leg of their old jeans? Yeah...that's not me. lol However, I looked at them and cannot believe I ever allowed myself to get that big. I'm hoping that in the next six months or so, I'll look at the jeans I'm wearing now and won't be able to believe that I was ever that big.

So, here we go!

My New Toy Rocks my World!

My eldest daughter has started drinking tea. She decided that she needed a fancy tea cup and saucer to drink her tea from. I'm not quite sure why, but she insisted she just had to. So, we made a quick trip to Goodwill to find a tea cup and saucer. While we were there, I was browsing the electronics and ran across this little baby. It's a George Foreman 2 serving classic plate grill.

One of my biggest complaints about eating healthy is all of the dishes it creates! Every single lunch, I dirty at least four dishes. My normal lunch of chicken breast with goat cheese and spinach requires a pan to brown my chicken, a baking sheet to bake it, a pan to wilt my spinach in, a plate and a fork. Now, keep in mind that there are eight people in my family, so I do not own a single small pan. I'm using a full 10 inch diameter pan to fry a single chicken breast in! So, when I saw this thing for only $6, I just had to get it! I cannot believe how easy this has made my lunches! No need to separately brown, then bake my chicken. The grill does it all! Even better, it does it in 8 minutes as opposed to the 30 my chicken usually spends in the oven! I still use a pan to wilt my spinach, but I think I'm going to try to wilt it in the grill today...just for giggles. ;) I'll let you know how it goes!

Cooking for a single person is so strange to me. I never used to eat lunch. I would just snack on whatever I could grab all day. For breakfast and dinner, I always have at least six people to cook for, so I'm used to cooking large quantities. It's kind of nice to cook for just myself. I feel like I'm doing something special for myself. Some people like to have a spa day. I like to cook myself lunch. Now, dishes...I'm not horribly fond of those, which is what makes this grill so ridiculously awesome!

Refocusing on my "why."

It's no secret that I've been struggling recently. Dinner time seems to be the most difficult for me. I can be great all day, then go crazy at dinner. Night time snacking has returned with a vengeance. I KNOW I need to get things back under control, but I consciously choose not to. I'm not snacking without realizing it. I'm snacking with an "I'll do better tomorrow" attitude. "Tomorrow" has turned into six months. SIX MONTHS! It's just not okay.

I ran into my sponsor, Amber, the other day at Hobby Lobby. (This was my first time ever going there...I think I spent about three hours there! SUCH an awesome store!) I told her that I had been struggling and not  only not losing weight, but rapidly gaining it back. She then contacted our friend, Craig, who sent me this text:

Keep your eye on your why Katie :) What made you start in the first place, why is this so important to you? Keep doing the simple things, make sure to eat as much as you're outputting and if you are focused on hitting a certain weight put the scale away for 10 days at a time so you are not stressing over hitting that number, in turn boosting your cortisol levels and slowing fat loss. You are an amazing spirit, remember this is NOT a race, it is to find the real you, and to get to your why may take different speeds, but as long as you're pointed in the right direction nothing will stop you :) Much love! Craig

He's absolutely right. I think I've forgotten my "why." Why am I doing this? I'm doing this so I can play with my kids. I'm doing this so my children grow up knowing that eating right and exercise is an important part of life. I'm doing this so I can live to see my great grandchildren. I'm doing this so I can figure out who I am. I'm doing this so I can feel good about myself and not shy away from opportunities because I'm embarrassed by who I am. I'm doing this so I can LIVE. These are the things that are important to me and I can't let food stand in the way of accomplishing these things in my life.

I'm putting my vision board back up so I can really focus on why I am doing these things and remember that I want my "why" more than I want Taco Bell. lol

Woohoooo! I did it!

The last two times I've attempted a cleanse day, I've failed miserably. I don't know what the heck was wrong with me because cleanse days had never been difficult before, but I just couldn't get through them. I always ended up eating dinner. It's honestly been MONTHS since I last did a deep cleanse. Apparently my body REALLY needed it because I dropped TEN POUNDS in the last two days! Yes, you read that correctly...TEN POUNDS IN TWO DAYS! A little bit always come back right after the cleanse, but I'm THRILLED!

I finally feel like I might be getting back in control of my eating. It's scary feeling out of control! I was watching the weight pile back on and, in a sense, felt completely helpless to control it. I knew that wasn't true, but I just couldn't stop eating the things that were completely sabotaging me. I'd watch myself eat them and KNOW I shouldn't be, but eating them anyways...then eating some more...and some more. I KNEW I was gaining back weight, but the food meant more to me than the weight. It's awful. I need to keep pressing forward.

I've been reading The Anti Jared and following him on Facebook and something he said really resonated with me. Both personal trainers I've had have told me to have a "cheat meal." They said that if I look forward to a cheat meal once a week, I'll be able to stay on track better because I know that I can have whatever food it is I want for my cheat meal, so I won't eat it the rest of the time. The Anti Jared said that he can never have a cheat meal because it turns into a cheat day, then a cheat week, then a cheat month. I can SO totally relate to that. I started falling off track when I told myself it was "okay" to eat something I shouldn't be eating "because it's not like I'm not going to have ice cream the rest of my life, so I need to learn to eat it in moderation," or, "It's not like I'm not going to eat Thanksgiving dinner ever again, so I'm just going to eat whatever I want and know that I can drop the few pounds I gained." The problem is, a little bit of ice cream turns into the whole tub. Thanksgiving dinner turns into a week of leftovers and just flows right into Christmas dinner. Moderation doesn't work for me. I think I can honestly just never have that stuff again. I KNOW I can stay away from it if I'm just not eating it, but once I get near it again, I just lose control. I feel silly comparing my eating to alcoholism, but I've heard from some of my friends who are sober that they're still an alcoholic and always just one drink away from going back to the way things were. That's how I feel. If I just NEVER have the stuff I shouldn't have, I'm good. Once I give in, even just a little bit, I completely lose control. I'm just one bite away from 300 pounds again. I won't go back there.

Back to the grind

You KNOW I've been bad when it's been so long since I last blogged. I've completely fallen off of the wagon and it's been SO hard to get back into things! I haven't had a shake since who knows when, I've been eating icecream, fast food, you name it...if I think it will taste good, I'm eating it. I've gained back 20 pounds. TWENTY POUNDS! Do you know how long it takes to lose twenty pounds? I do, and I'm not looking forward to having to lose it again. UGH. I'm just so incredibly frustrated with myself. Why am I having such a difficult time with this? Usually, I'm the one who doesn't understand why people are struggling. JUST DON'T EAT IT, has been my mantra. How difficult can that possibly be? I didn't understand why people said I had so much will power. It was honestly just easy for me not to eat it. Now I'm STRUGGLING...BIG TIME!

I keep telling myself, "Tomorrow...I'll start again tomorrow." Then tomorrow comes and I really want that burger, so, "Tomorrow...I'll start again tomorrow." It's a vicious cycle. My super spy texted me the other day because he hasn't seen me at the gym. It's been MONTHS since I've gone. I have zero excuses. I just need to get back there and just do it. Today, my food intake has been decent. I ran out of ice, so haven't had a shake yet, but I had a banana and a pear for breakfast, some eggs for lunch, IsaGreens and IsaFruits for a snack and I'm planning on a shake for dinner. I passed by my favorite cupcake place and almost stopped in, but I told myself, "Just don't eat it!" and kept on driving. I was proud of myself! I need to get back in the habit of drinking water. I've been completely failing at that (and so much more) lately.

So, here we go. I need to do this. I can't be the person that gains it all back. I just can't. I won't.

Hollywood

Late last night, I got home from a whirlwind trip to Hollywood! I went to visit my good friend, Seth Santoro, and to celebrate the release of his new book, How I Learned to Smile From The Inside! I flew down Tuesday afternoon, then flew back Wednesday night. Tuesday night was spent at Vintage Enoteca, an awesome little wine bar, where Seth had a book signing. They have the most amazing deviled eggs. I know what you're thinking, "Deviled eggs? That's what you're going to rave about?!?!?" Seriously, they're to DIE for! I may or may not have had four of them. They also put out this amazing cheese platter. Yeah, cheese is my weakness. Yikes! I decided that I wasn't going to worry about weight loss while I was on vacation. I didn't even bring any shakes with me!

The next day, I slept in, for what felt like the first time in years. lol I had a banana for breakfast, then went to take some pictures of the Hollywood sign for my daughter, who is in love with everything Hollywood and celebrities. I had originally planned on taking a hike up Runyon Canyon and taking the pictures from there, because I had heard and read that that was the best view in all of the city, but when I drove there, there wasn't a single parking spot within at least a mile of the entrance. I swear everyone, their tennis partner and their mother's dog was there. It was CRAZY! It's definitely on my to do list for the next time I'm there. So, instead I drove up Beachwood Dr. and got some pictures from there.

After that, I met up with Seth for lunch at the mall in Century City. That food court was AWESOME! I had some bao from "Take a Bao" It was delicious! I had the Spicy Sesame Citrus Chicken and Pomegranate Beef on wheat.

Next came some time just driving around the area, taking it all in. I have to say, I absolutely fell in love with Beverly Hills. Big surprise, right? Anyone who knows me really well knows that I HATE HATE HATE cities. Seriously, I hate them. They make me anxious. They're too crowded, have too many one way streets, the people are rude...I just hate them. Not the case AT ALL for Beverly Hills! I was driving down Santa Monica Blvd and there was one way that you could take for through traffic and one way for local access. I decided to take the local access. Oh my goodness, it is SO cute! It has a walking downtown that I'm absolutely in love with. When I have a vacation home, it's definitely going to be in Beverly Hills!

Finally, I made my way to Hollywood Blvd and the Hollywood Walk of Fame. There weren't any particular stars that I was interested in, but I always get my children souvenirs when I go on a trip, so I figured there was no better place for that than Hollywood Blvd! I wasn't disappointed!

I drove back to Burbank, dropped off my car at the rental place (they had upgraded me to a Chevy Camero! I felt so silly driving that thing! I'm much more of a minivan type of person!) and then caught my flight back home. Not before having a chicken and pesto panini and some sushi at the airport. Airport sushi...scary!

I weighed myself this morning and I was only up two pounds! Not too bad for not worrying about it while I was away!

Up and Down and Up and Down

Yesterday was weigh day. Up a pound from last week. UGH! It's not like I'm surprised, just disappointed in myself. I seem to be getting things back in control, but am still having trouble with snacking. I made myself a nice lunch of salad and chicken the other day, ate that...then ate a piece of pizza that my family was having. I told my husband I didn't want a berry sundae from Costco, then ate almost half of his. I had a shake this morning, then ate two graham crackers (little devil pieces of carby goodness!). I think you get the idea. I keep making justifications, "I'm eating it in the morning, so I have all day to burn it off," "It's just one, I'll just eat a smaller piece of chicken to make up for it," "I'm usually under my calories anyways, I'll just consider this a snack..." and so on and so forth. NO MORE EXCUSES! I just need to buckle down and do it. My weight isn't going anywhere. My inches aren't going anywhere. I'm stuck and it's entirely of my own doing. I can't say I'm on a plateau because that would suggest I'm doing everything right and just not losing weight. I'm just not doing things right at the moment.

I'm happy to say that I'm no longer sore from my workout with my personal trainer. Of course, that was almost a week ago, so I would hope so! lol My goal is to release SIX pounds this week. I'm aiming high, hoping that will keep me accountable. That will put me in ONEDERLAND! Forget the graham crackers and cookie this morning. (What, I didn't mention the cookie? Oh wait...cookies. Ugh.)

Back to the gym today. Back in the saddle. Goodbye six pounds. Goodbye 200's!