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Friday, June 6, 2014


I was doing so well with my cleanse, feeling totally in control, then I ate like 6 bites of breakfast burrito filling before going to bed. Why did I do that? I could have just left it alone, but instead, I ate it.

Weigh in this morning: 15 lbs down in ten days! Woohoo!

Today was the last day of school for all of my children and my second daughter's 8th grade promotion! To celebrate, I took her and a couple of her friends out to Mel's Diner for lunch. I could have had a salad. Instead, I had a bleu cheese burger. And fries. And a chocolate malt. *hides head in shame* I'm holding myself accountable though! Tomorrow I'm taking the whole family out for a sushi lunch to celebrate completing another school year. I'm going to eat. Saturday, I have plans with friends. We're walking a charity 5k, so good exercise. However, we're going out to eat afterwards. I'm going to try to be good and not order what I would normally get. Hopefully something semi healthy will sound good.

You would think that 15 pounds in 10 days would motivate me to stick to it, but I'm still really struggling. Going out is the worst. I think I'll do okay at home, but when I go out to eat, I just hate to spend money and not absolutely love what I'm eating!

I struggle. I'm human.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Cleanse Day #2!

Today is day 10 since recommitting to Isagenix. Tomorrow is weigh day! Of course, if you've ever read my blog, you know I weigh like fifteen bajillion times a day, so I do have an inkling as to what the scale is going to say tomorrow. ;)

Tomorrow I also start back up with weekly calls with a group of people on Isagenix that are all trying to lose at least 100 pounds. Those calls were vital to my success the last time I lost a bunch of weight. It was really helpful having to be accountable every week. Each person reports how much weight they have released in the last week. It sucks to be the person who says they gained weight. So, it's a good push to stay on track. It was the same when I was going to Weight Watchers before. Knowing that I would be stepping on that scale every Saturday morning and someone else was going to see whether I was doing well or not kept me wanting to move in the right direction. However, like blogging, I tend to just disappear when I'm not doing well, rather than admit that I backslid. I'm going to try to avoid doing that, though.

I'm feeling good about these cleanse days. I've tried cleansing in the past since I started backsliding and I was never able to complete even a single day. Now, the two days are no big deal again. I think it's all in my mindset. Before, I was cleansing because I felt like I needed to do something because I was so out of control. The problem with being out of control is that you still don't have the control to control things. I feel in control now and it's so much easier to control my thoughts and actions on cleanse days. Do I like going two days in a row without solid food? Not really. However, I don't feel ravenous and don't feel like it's a chore. Now, it's just what I do to improve my health. It's amazing what changing your mindset can do for you!

My eldest daughter is home sick again today. She is always sick. I hate it. I'm thinking of doing a complete overhaul on the way my family eats this summer to see if that will help her. I'm thinking of going more the paleo route. We'll see how that goes over. I just need to find something that will help her get healthy. It breaks my heart to see her so sick and tired all the time.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

2 Day Cleanse...DONE!

So, of course, knowing how amazing I feel on it and knowing it works, I've gone back to using the Isagenix system. Monday was a shake day, Tuesday and Wednesday were cleanse days, and today it's back to shakes. I'm feeling awesome about it. The last few times I've tried to cleanse, I ended up eating. I don't know why it was so difficult to just do it, but mentally, I think I just wasn't ready. This time, easy peasy! Sure, there were times that I got hungry, and when my friend brought over a ton of kettle corn to thank me for playing the piano for the choir on Sunday, I REALLY wanted some, but I remembered my why, I remembered how great I used to feel and I knew it just wasn't worth it. (Although, my husband did inform me that it was the BEST kettle corn he had EVER had. Thanks, hon!)

I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself until after my next cleanse, but if you've read my blog, you know that doesn't ever happen. So, if I write it really, really small, it doesn't count, right? I'm down 11 pounds in three days!!!! Official weigh in will be in a week, so we'll see where I'm at then. I know I'll gain some back now that I'm eating solid food again, but I'm more than thrilled with the results so far. I knew I would be. In just three days, my pants have started falling off! They were a little loose before, but now I definitely need a belt. I should have measured when I started, but I didn't.

Yummy shake this morning and off to a great start!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

I'm sure you can figure out how THAT went!

So, based on the lack of posts for what..over a year? I'm guessing that you can figure out how my thirty day no cheat challenge went. It turned into a one year cheat, which wasn't a challenge at all, unfortunately. Blech.

Things have been crazy lately! I just completely my first year of college. This is a huge accomplishment for me! I got kicked out of college after one semester right out of high school and never went back. I opted instead to start a family, support my husband through his degree and just live the life of a stay at home mom.  The plan has always been for me to go back to school, but it just never seemed like the "right time." I decided that it was going to be like having children. If you wait for the "right time" it will never happen. So, I bit the bullet and enrolled. It certainly wasn't the right time, but we made it work. Thankfully, I have a very supportive family and the children understood that I couldn't make it to their activities and that they needed to help around the house quite a bit more. We all made it through the first year and we are all VERY glad I've decided to take the summer off! I am now half way through my AA in Deaf Studies.

School was VERY stressful. I attended classes five days a week, four of which were night classes. Food wise, it was really difficult. At the beginning of the year, I was really good about starting something in the crock pot in the morning so the kids had food while I was gone and so Drake and I had food when we got home. Towards the end of the year, there was a lot more picking up fast food or pizza on the way home from school and just trying to get them fed before they went to bed. I need to be MUCH better next year about planning a menu and sticking to it. Fast food is easier, but health wise, I know my family has suffered. Diet wise, it was TERRIBLE. I would spend all day doing homework, taking care of the kids, etc., then by the time class rolled around, I was BEAT. I would realize I hadn't really eaten anything all day and I would be dragging. So, many nights I started class with an energy drink and whatever snacks I grabbed out of the vending machine. Not good for my wallet or my health!

So, weight wise, I've really suffered. I gained back a good deal of the weight I had lost. Energy wise, I have suffered. I'm tired ALL the time. Mental health wise, I have suffered. I'm really unhappy with what I have done to myself. I need to find a way to balance my school life, my home life and my health. So far, I'm failing miserably.

To say that I've been going through some personal issues lately would be putting it lightly. As an emotional eater, I've really struggled. When I feel the time is right, I'll go into more detail, but for now I'll just say that my world feels as though it is spinning out of control. I've decided that I'm going to take control of what I have the ability to control and that is my weight and my thinking.

I know how to lose weight. I've done it before. I know how powerful I felt when I had that control. I know how fulfilling it was to be doing something for myself. I know how amazing I feel when I'm eating right, cleansing regularly and working out regularly. I allowed myself to go back to where I was before. No more. I'm taking control.

I know how amazing it feels to be self confident. I know how powerful it feels to be self assured and worry only about how you feel about yourself and not to allow self doubt cloud your view of yourself and life. I've allowed a multitude of negative thoughts to enter my mind. I've allowed myself to think that I'm not good enough, that I'm not funny enough, that I'm not skinny enough, that I'm not pretty enough. I've allowed all of this self doubt and self hatred to control my thoughts and therefore my actions and personality. No more I'm taking control.

The world lost an amazing woman today and it is through her words that I am drawing my strength today: