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Saturday, January 12, 2013

Why is this so hard?!?!!?!?

I had been SO good. I was losing SO much. It was SO easy. Now, I just can't stop snacking. I just can't stop eating. I just can't start cleansing. I don't know what's going on with me. I just can't get back in the swing of things. Honestly, it was SO easy before, now I'm just not doing it. I keep telling myself, "You just have to do it. It's not that hard. You just have to do it. Eat the good, don't eat the bad. Eat when you're supposed to, don't eat when you're not." How difficult can that be?!?!?!?! For some reason, it's pretty dang hard! I just don't know what to think. I've tried taking it one day at a time. Breakfast shake? Check! Morning snack? Check! Lunch? Check! Ummm, let's have a cookie. CRAP! Hmmmm, Hershey kisses sound good. DANG IT! Dinner shake? CHECK! Yum, dinner smells delicious. WHY DID I EAT THAT?!?!?!? Cheese and crackers sound SO good. PUT IT DOWN!!!! I have the best intentions, but keep eating things I'm not supposed to and eating when I'm not supposed to. Why can't I just say no? It was SO easy before.

Perhaps, I need to go one meal at a time. Every morning I tell myself, "I'm going to eat clean today. NO cheating! I can't remember exactly the last day I actually did it. It was definitely before Christmas. Yes, it's been that long. How hard can this be? Tomorrow I'm going to tell myself, "I'm only having a shake for breakfast. Then, "I'm only having a healthy snack." Then, "I'm having a clean lunch." Maybe day by day is too much.  Maybe I just need to go meal by meal. SOMETHING needs to change because I'm STILL up from before Christmas! This is NOT good!

I'm trying to decide what I really want to do, exercise wise. I LOVE kettlebells, but feel like I need something more. It would probably help if I used them consistently. I'm thinking of joining a gym. I feel like if I actually GO somewhere to work out, I'll be more likely to actually do it. However, I can't honestly tell myself that I'm actually going to go. My arm is getting better, so that's good. Here's a recent picture of it. Fair warning: it's kinda gross. It actually looks considerably better than it did before. Even better, it FEELS considerably better than it did before. I can finally type, carry things that weigh less than a pound, write, and other small things like that. So, that's good!

I'm sure you can see why exercising has been pretty much out of the question this week. It's healing, though, and I'm hoping to be completely healed in a couple of weeks. The stitches will hopefully be coming out on Monday!

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