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Friday, January 18, 2013

Pretty Much Sums it up!

This picture pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. I want to join a gym. I want to take a spin class. I want to take a kick boxing class. What is keeping me from doing so? It's being the fattest person at the gym. It's the thought that people will look at me and wonder, "What is she doing here?" or "Yeah, I give her two weeks," or "She sounds like a herd of elephants are running on that treadmill!" I am so incredibly self conscious about my body. I can tell myself all I want that no one cares, that no one is looking, that I'm more important to people in my head than I am in real life. I can repeat that over and over again, yet still, I'm horribly self conscious. I'm trying to gather up the nerve to just do it...forget what anyone else thinks. Every journey has to start somewhere, right? I'm already half way to my goal. My journey didn't just start. I should be proud of how far I've come and use that to bolster my self confidence. Screw what anyone else thinks, right?'s so hard.

Wow...why do I care if it's so hard? Wasn't being 309 pounds hard? Wasn't losing 84 pounds in less than six months hard? Isn't keeping at it and continuing to lose now hard? Doing the easy thing was what got me to where I was in the first place! Doing the easy thing is what kept me from being the mom I needed to be. Doing the easy thing was what was going to kill me at an early age. Forget doing the easy thing...I'm going for the hard!

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